Men Are Pigs

You know what I’m sick of?  Men drooling over hot ladies in skimpy clothing.  The Man is a gamer, and it’s ridiculous how many of the female characters look like under-dressed Barbies.  I mean, it’s not like men honestly play Tomb Raider for the quests.

Those long, curvy quests you just get lost in...

 As women we have higher standards, especially in entertainment.  Men will only watch movies with us if they get a little T&A, but we’re in it for the plot.

The second GI Joe movie’s plot, for example.  It was a great movie about…um…uh…hm.

So what gives?  Maybe it’s due to the fact that men are being exposed to pornography at younger and younger ages, while women focus on more wholesome things, like reading.

Some of the thought-provoking literature women love so much

Whatever the reason, it’s frustrating.  The Man is bombarded at every side by pictures and videos of women so much hotter than me, and it scares me that he’s going to hold me to that higher standard that I can never achieve.

Like how beautiful Ryan Reynold’s wife Blake Lively is

It’s not only the higher standard of beauty he might hold me to though; it’s also the actions of the women he sees in entertainment.  Lewd films aside, in entertainment there are still PLENTY of examples of subservient women who have no personality and no depth of character; just a fervent desire to please the man in their life.  I mean sure, Hollywood tries to pass them off as multi-dimensional, but if we really look at them closely, all leading ladies are pretty much flawless in the looks department and just desperate for a man to complete their meaningless lives.  There’s no standard like that for men.  Men in Hollywood can look however they want, act however they want, and wooing is practically a lost art.  We don’t expect nearly as much from them as they do from us.

For example, the men in these movies are totally unromantic chumps; just like the average husband

I’ve decided the only alternative is to buy The Man blinders, monitor his every move, call him out when he glances at girls prettier than me, and cover his eyes when we’re watching a movie and a woman dressed any more scandalous than a pilgrim shows up on screen.  I’ll have to strip away that trust I have in his love for me and MAKE SURE he has no other options but me.  Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got some blinders to buy.

An Argument for Arguing

Can we agree to something as a species?  Let’s decide to have our own opinions, make our own decisions, argue our points, and research new things.  Let’s also decide that our opinions can be polar opposites, and we can debate, throw out statistics, listen to each other’s arguments, maybe change our minds (but not necessarily), and then let’s stay friends regardless of how stupid we think the other person’s opinion is.  Can we decide that?

There’s something I’ve learned in my education psychology courses: talking AT someone about something isn’t really going to change anyone’s mind.  You run across this a lot with the sciences.  For example, let’s use the theory of evolution.  There is TONS of hard data (if we’re being grammatically correct, there are tons of hard data) that evolution is something that happens.  Peter and Rosemary Grant have spent decades in the Galapagos Islands literally watching the finches evolve over generations in response to natural selection.  We have fossil evidence that corresponds with genetic evidence that corresponds with geologic evidence.  We have evolved creatures through domestic breeding solely within the span of humans being on Earth (a very short time, geologically speaking).  Evolution is a very strong theory.  However, if you didn’t believe that evolution occurs at the start of this paragraph, I really doubt you believe it after reading it.  You can’t just tell someone that something is true; they need to learn it for themselves.

As humans we don’t like being told what to think, and I think that’s a great thing.  It encourages us to go out and learn about things from many different sources instead of just listening to what one person says.  On the other hand, as humans we also like to prove how smart we are to other humans.  I think that’s also great.  Go on and flex your cerebral cortex!  It’s only a problem when we decide that someone that disagrees with us is inherently a bad person.

Debate is a good thing.  I love hearing what other people think and how they got to that conclusion.  I don’t necessarily always agree, but I love looking at things in a different light.  Debate keeps us sharp, makes us think about our own arguments, makes us research and learn and grow.  However.  If, during the course of the debate, you try and force me into your way of thinking, I will get angry and shut down.  Sure, tell me about the research you did, tell me the statistics you found, tell me your gut feelings, but DO NOT decide that the purpose of the debate is to make me agree with you wholeheartedly. 

In order for me to change my mind, I need to research on my own.  Please, give me ideas of things to look up, point me in a direction, but do not think less of me if I never agree with you.  I think this is something we as humans need to realize.  Regardless of how eloquent you are, how strong your facts are, or how deep your speaking voice is, the person you are debating with needs to gain their own understanding in order to truly believe what you’re telling them.

Ha, I just realized how ironic this post is (if you think that was an improper use of ironic, go eat some ice cream and console yourself on the dilapidated state of English nowadays).  Anyways…Are you convinced?

Go out and learn!  Form new opinions!  Disagree with people!  Allow other people to think differently from you!  There is so much to learn from everyone else; let’s not try to make the world conform to one viewpoint.  Besides loving each other.  Everyone should be kind to their fellow homo sapiens.

Ryan Reynolds Probably Picks His Nose

So The Man and I were talking the other day and I mentioned how he can't be very smart because he married me when I am so flawed, especially with a large nose.  He laughed at me and said, "when I hold you close I can't see your defects."  I didn't know whether I should be offended or love him even more for being so sweet, because The Man is super literal and really meant that when our faces are close together my face gets all blurry and he can't see my big nose.

Despite his true meaning though, his comment made me think.  If we keep someone close, there's less chance of noticing each other's defects.  What I can't decide is if that's a good thing or not (or even if it's true).

See, I was always warned by my mother to never live with friends.  She told me that the friendships I had would be ruined just by living in close proximity.  Which I totally get.  When you spend a majority of your time with someone, you start to realize that even Mother Teresa probably got annoying from time to time.  Maybe it was something she couldn't control, like her snoring, or maybe she really really hated washing dishes so she would just slip out of the house to go feed orphans or something while her roommates were stuck slaving away at the sink.  Who knows.  

What I mean to say is, nobody is perfect.  And the more time you spend with someone (or to stick with my prompt, the closer you hold them) the more you realize it.  Something incredible can come from realizing other people aren't perfect though; you're faced with a grave reality: you are not perfect.  When I first got to college, I thought the sun shone out of my butt.  Seriously.  I was some genius kid who started college at 16.  I could make a mean PB&J, and I even knew how to do laundry.  Mostly.  As I looked at the flaws my roommates had though, I realized how bad I am at getting the motivation to do laundry, or dishes, or at the time even get to class.  Being so close to other people let me see their defects, but it also helped me see my defects, and I grew from the experience.  So with that argument, holding someone closer makes their defects more vivid, but it helps you notice your own defects and change them.

However, there's always infatuation.  I don't necessarily mean romantic infatuation here; I think you can be infatuated with a new friend as well.  When you're infatuated, there's almost no way you can hold your new friend/lover/puppy closer.  And what's more, you won't allow yourself to see any defects.  It's adorable the way they tease other people about the way they dress/don't wear deodorant/lick your face after eating their own vomit.  Everything they do is perfect, and you don't deserve them because they're so amazing, and you're so lucky, and ohmygoodness can you think of a better friend/lover/puppy than they?

Is that healthy?

So ya, I guess The Man's statement "when I hold you close I can't see your defects" can be true, but I think it's better for your relationship to see each other's defects.  I'm not saying we should be constantly pointing out the flaws of our friends/lovers/puppies, but I think we should recognize that they have flaws, and love them for it.  I mean, who wants to constantly measure themselves against Adonis?

Judging Books by Their Content

As I was walking through the aisles of the local library a single thought repeated in my head: “There are so many books in the world that nobody knows about.  Even if I tried to contribute, it would be worthless.”  It’s kind of a depressing thought, believing that one of the ways you want to influence the world is pretty much a closed door to someone with zero writing experience or ability.  Sure, I can become an inspiring teacher, a loving mother, maybe even a foster mother someday, but what about the contributions I want to make that I’m not even close to qualified for?

I want to write a book.  I want this book to make people laugh, cry, and re-evaluate how they look at their lives.  I want people to be moved by my choices of words, to feel the poetry and the beat as that quiet voice inside their head reads my thoughts to them.  I want to create something that people struggle to put down because my voice draws them in and captivates them for hours; holding them prisoner in the best way possible.  I love those books. 

My favorite books all have elements that I would love to steal.

Cyrano de Bergerac

Technically this is a play, but it reads so beautifully.  Cyrano is the person so many people believe themselves to be: honorable, full of love and compassion, brave, hilarious, intelligent, and charming, as well as the person so many people think the world sees them as: physically imperfect and therefore unlovable.  My book needs to have a character that everyone resonates with because of how incredible they are, not because my character is an empty shell anyone could insert themself into.

                An inspiring line: “A man does not fight merely to win!  No, no, better to know one fights in vain! . . . I know them now, my ancient enemies – Falsehood! . . . Prejudice!  Compromise!  Cowardice!  What’s that?  No!  Surrender?  No!  Never – never!  Ah, you too, Vanity!  I knew you would overthrow me in the end – No!  I fight on!  I fight on!  I fight on!”

Black Swan Green

Sure, it’s a book about a teenage boy with a stammering problem, but that doesn’t mean this book didn’t help me change my perspective on life Senior year of high school.  For the majority of the story, you see this young man allow his entire life to be dictated by the people around him.  He wants to please the local gang, the pretty girl, his parents, his older sister, his unbearably cool cousin, and he really doesn’t think all that much about making his life his own.  The paradigm-shifting scene in this book is strange (he’s in a house of mirrors at a carnival), but it made me sit back and really think about how I was living my life.

                An inspiring line: “How about an Outside-You, suggested Upside-Down Me, who is your Inside-You too?  A One-You?  If people like your One-You, great.  If they don’t, tough.  Trying to win approval for your Outside-You is a drag, Jason.  That’s what makes you weak.  It’s boring.”

High Fidelity

This book is brilliant.  I love it.  Honestly, I only picked it up because John Cusack acts in the film version, but the book is great.  My one hang-up is how he gets his woman back, but I can forgive that.  What I would steal from this book is its rawness.  Rob’s life really sucks at times.  And a lot of the time it’s because he can be a total prick, but who isn’t from time to time?  Instead of making things sickly-sweet happy at the end (what I like to call a “Harry Potter Ending” now), there’s uncertainty.  You know the happy feeling is only temporary, and you know that eventually he’s going to get to the boring comfortable part of his relationship again, but you have hope for him doing better this time around.  It’s not perfect, but it’s a start.

                An inspiring line: “Just because it’s a relationship, and it’s based on soppy stuff, it doesn’t mean you can’t make intellectual decisions about it.  Sometimes you have to, otherwise you’ll never get anywhere . . . I’ve been letting the weather and my stomach muscles and a great chord change in a Pretenders single make up my mind for me, and I want to do it for myself.”

Seabiscuit

Well of course I’m going to put a horse book on here.  Sheesh.  What I love about Seabiscuit is how you get pulled into the story.  Anyone who has ever rode a horse full-speed is taken back to that adrenaline rush, the feeling that you’re defying death, just by reading the words describing this amazing horse running.  You can be pulled entirely into the moment.  You can feel the muscles under you, hear the crowd, hear the horse’s breath, feel the fear and the joy and the pain.  It’s exhilarating.

                An inspiring line: “In the midst of all the whirling noise of that supreme moment, Pollard felt peaceful.  Seabiscuit reached and pushed and Pollard folded and undfolded over his shoulders and they breathed together.  A thought pressed into Pollard’s mind: We are alone.”  (Stop it you perverts; they’re running a race.)

The Princess Bride

Another no-brainer for the list of characteristics I want my story to have.  This book is one of the most hilarious pieces of (non)fiction I’ve ever encountered.  You still feel deeply, but the hard times don’t feel as hard when there’s humor involved.  There are many other worthy qualities this book holds, but the one I’m taking away for this list is humor.

                An inspiring line: “’I’m just scared to pieces,’ Fezzik said.  ‘Be sure it ceases,’ Inigo said right back.  ‘Oh, that’s a wonderful rhyme – ‘ ‘Some other time,’ Inigo said, making another, feeling quite bright about the whole thing . . . But deep, deep inside, Inigo’s stomach was knotting.”

Next

Really, any Michael Chrichton book will do for this characteristic, but Next happens to be the one that I most recently read, so there you go.  All Chrichton’s books use current events, hard facts, and some really exciting storytelling to make you think about what’s really going on in the world around you.  Instead of coming up with his own rules in a fantasy world (sparkly vampires, anyone?), Chrichton slightly modifies actual events to show his readers how crazy/awesome the real world we live in is.  I really wish he was still alive so I could read his thoughts on the current state of science and technology.  His skill in making stories believable but thrilling is something I’d really like to steal one day.

                An inspiring line: “Science is as corruptible a human activity as any other. Its practitioners aren’t saints, they’re human beings, and they do what human beings do – lie, cheat, steal from one another, sue, hide data, fake data, overstate their own importance and denigrate opposing views unfairly. That’s human nature. It isn’t going to change.”

You know, I think this list actually says a lot about what I value in life as well.  I value strong character in a person (Cyrano), life-changing moments and eye-opening experiences (Black Swan Green), people that don’t pretend life is perfect and wonderful (High Fidelity), moments that make my blood quicken (Seabiscuit), laughing through hard times (The Princess Bride), and exciting new things happening in the world around us (Next).  I also value a really good book.  Maybe one day I’ll make one J