The Worst Love Story Ever

So it's 3:30 in the morning.  I woke up at 2 without an alarm.  It wasn't just a look-at-the-clock-and-groan-and-go-back-to-bed wake up, it was a caffeine jolt of energy.  And all because of stupid stupid midterms.  Midterms suck, y'all.  I thought I was on top of my grading, but in the past two days I have graded hundreds and hundreds of papers.  And I'm not even close to done!  It's been on my mind so much that apparently my brain thinks I needed to be awake and grading more than I needed to be asleep.
I'll show you, Brain.

In my break time I'm going to take my mind off my students totally and instead tell you a story: the worst love story ever.

Once upon a time there was a Spotalotamus.  Wait, no...Let's start that over.

It was the end of my sophomore year of college.  The school I went to has a weird track system, so I was going to school in the summer time and one of my roommates (also a good friend since...middle school, I think) was back home enjoying her time off.  She met a nice young man and started telling me stories about him.  She also had me look at pictures of him on Facebook (as all girls do, don't you lie), but I wasn't all that impressed.  However, I was happy for her.  She was moving on from a boyfriend I had hated and enjoying her summer time with this new boy.  Due to the weird track system, she was going back to school for the fall and I was coming home for my "summertime," so she asked me to become friends with the guy so I could find out if he was interested in her or not.

Fall rolled around and I was back home, and I finally met him one day at a service project.  Turns out he was super attractive, he just didn't look all that great in photographs.  Luckily for my friend, however, the guy was two inches shorter than me, and that's just a huge no-no in my book.  Unluckily for my friend I'm a sucker for good-looking faces (aren't we all?) and as the day went on I found myself flirting with him more and more.  When I went home that night I happily (and jokingly) informed my roommate/friend that her man and I were now best friends and I would be getting that information soon.

And then the trouble really started.  See, it turns out I actually enjoyed being around this guy, so I started hanging out with him more and more.  One time I even called him at 10 at night to go on a hike; he reluctantly agreed.  On the way to the hiking area I realized I had forgotten how to get there and I didn't have my phone, so I called my roommate/friend.  From the phone of the guy she liked.  At 10pm.  Because I'm a stupid jerk.  Even worse, I called her AFTER the hike to tell her that I was starting to become interested in her man, but I could totally stop at any time if she wanted me to because, you know, friendship!  Since she was clearly the better friend, she said something about just wanting me to be happy, but I could hear it in her voice that she was upset, so like the good friend that I am I listened to her words and not her tone and decided to go for it.

I shamelessly went after this poor young man, and late one night it was I that used the cheesy pick-up line: "I'm cold..."  He came closer and put his arm around me, and I brazenly turned my face up and went in for a kiss.  He pulled back a little, saying, "I've never kissed anyone before."  So, naturally (since it's been established that I'm kind of stupid), I responded with the oh-so-smooth, "it's okay; I'll teach you how."

To be continued (since the ungraded papers are calling my name)