No-Sew Workout Shirt

Despite being born in Texas and raised in Southern California I’ve never really gotten used to the heat.  If it hits around 80° F my body freaks out and starts over-producing sweat because it’s so sure that I’m going to die.  I tell you about my hyperhidrosis for two reasons:

1.       I have ruined a lot of shirts because of sweat.  Which is disgusting, I know, but there you have it.

2.       When it’s summertime I like to wear as little clothing as possible.

These will both become important later.

Being a Mormon, I usually dress modestly in the summer (knee-length shorts, sleeves up top), but I get one gimme: exercising.  If I’m in working out I don’t feel as bad about showing off my pearly-white thighs and shoulders.  So when summertime hits I find reasons to wear workout clothes.  Gonna do dishes?  It gets hot in my kitchen; I should probably put on workout clothes.  Working in the yard?  Exercise!  Workout clothes!  Watching a movie?  Maybe I’ll do a couple sit-ups later…I should probably put on workout clothes.

Being in an apartment that doesn’t have AC doesn’t help my modesty much either.  I mean, it’s been in the 90’s lately.  When I’m not in the public library stealing their AC I’m at home with the curtains closed and both box fans running, and that’s still not enough sometimes.

So when I found this no-sew workout shirt tutorial, it was like a ray of light descended upon me.  I mean, I need more workout shirts, I have a t-shirt I love that’s been destroyed by pit stains, and I don’t have a sewing machine.  Ba-da-bing!  Plus the girl who modeled it looked awesome, and I imagined that if I made a shirt like that I would look like a hot punker too (it doesn’t work that way, guys; I was wrong).

Since I knew it was probably going to turn out terrible, I decided to document the experience for today’s post.

    1.       Choose a shirt that you won’t mind cutting up.  I chose my Camaro shirt due to its stains and my deep love for it but my distaste for wearing it now.  I figured if I ruined it I’d survive.

    2.       Lay your shirt flat on the floor.  Check that it’s totally flat.  Re-check that it’s totally flat.  If you don’t re-check, you’re going to get a weirdly asymmetrical shirt.

    3.       Cut off the sleeves and collar.  I just cut immediately to the inside of the seam; that way I was following a line and my cuts were nicer (but still not great…left sleeve…).

    4.       Admire yourself and your puny muscles in the mirror.  This step is imperative.

    5.       Decide how thin you want your straps to be and make a mark on your shirt to cut from.  I then made dotted lines on the shirt because I knew if I didn’t have something to follow my cuts would end up all over the place.  I wish I had made the straps more uniform from the get-go though; I ended up trimming them a couple of times.

    6.       Cut out the back collar – it should be lower than the front.  I thought I was going to be all fancy and make a v-neck back (using two of Stormageddon’s favorite books to make the v), but that was a stupid idea.  Scoop-neck that sucker.  It will be much better for when you tie off the back.

    7.       Put the shirt on, go to a mirror, and determine where you want to tie the straps together by pinching the fabric at the back at different heights – I went with a low tie.

    8.       Place the shirt on the floor face-down, and grab a strip of fabric that you previously cut (I used the collar).  Bunch the back straps (isn’t there a BBQ food called that?) together in the middle.

    9.       Slip the strip (hehe) under your straps and tie a double knot.  Try on the shirt.

 

   10.   If you like it as is, awesome.  I ended up trimming the arm-holes, the neck, and the back straps some more; don’t feel bad if you have to as well.  No judgement.

   11.   Admire yourself some more – that’s why man invented mirrors.  And yes, my shoulders really are that wide; I did not photoshop myself to look like Michael Phelps.

My shirt turned out passable, which was a surprise, but even if it didn’t I’m just wearing it to work out (or do dishes, or watch a movie, or play in the backyard), so it really wouldn’t have mattered much if it turned out gross.  All in all it was a pretty enjoyable way to pass Stormageddon’s naptime.