Ironically Enough, My Editor Rejected This Post

My son fell on the playground today.

He was trying to climb up some bars that were a little too far apart and his grip was just a little too weak, so he slipped and fell off onto his back.

“It’s okay,” I said, dusting him off, “I’m here. You got a little bruised, huh? Next time you’ll have to hold on tighter. Would you like to try again?”

When he successfully climbed the bars the second time he turned around and flashed me a big smile.

Why don’t I fail like my son?

See, I had a job interview today. It was my second interview with this company, and my first interview had tanked — I had no idea why they wanted to try again. I was anxious and nervous and flustered and, unsurprisingly, I didn’t do great the second time around either. After my failure I was in a kind of angry, tear-filled stupor, asking myself why I was so stupid, why I couldn’t control myself better, why did I even think I was qualified for this job…It wasn’t pretty.

It’s only now — a few hours of anger and frustration and depression later — that I noticed the inconsistencies in what I teach my son and how I live my life.

I need to fail like I want my son to fail: with grace.

When I fail, I need to take a moment to get my bearings back and remember that I am more than my failures.

I need to recognize what went wrong, and decide to do things differently the next time around.

And as any cowgirl who’s fallen off her horse can tell you, I need to not be afraid to try again.

Failure isn’t something to be ashamed of; it’s often a huge step in the learning process. Abstractly, I know this. In real life, it’s a whole lot harder to believe.

Maybe you failed at something today, but that doesn’t mean you’ve permanently failed. Job interviews are hard. Being patient with your child when they’re throwing a tantrum in the middle of a store is hard. Running a home and raising children and taking care of yourself all at the same time is hard. And because of the inherent difficulty of these tasks, there will be times when you fail. But you are not a failure.

We need to teach our kids how to fail well. Not just through how we react to their failures, but also through how we react to our own.

So I’m going to try and be better. I’m going to try to fail like I want my son to fail. And hey, I might fail a few times in my attempts at failing well! But I won’t stop trying.

My ego took a tumble today.

And now I know what to work on next time.

Why You Love Sherlock: A Deduction

Welcome, come on in.

If you could just have a seat right there, shut up, and give me a second to examine you before I take your case on.

Aaaaaannnndd . . . I think I have everything I need.

Let’s start with your eyes.  There are clear and definite bags underneath, indicating that you have been up half the night – even though you probably told yourself not to do this again – watching BBC’s “new” Sherlock show.  So no, you don’t even have to tell me what your problem is; I already know it. 

You’re addicted.

It’s quite simple to see WHY you’re addicted; the signs are all there.  You don’t see it?  Ah.  I wonder what it’s like in that funny little mind of yours.  Must get so cramped sometimes.  Allow me to enlighten you.

• You have a pencil smudge on your right medial knuckle, indicating that you’ve been writing, but you are often writing above something you’ve written before.  This is suggestive of a puzzle of some sort – I’d guess Sudoku – but you’re not talented enough to complete the puzzle in pen without making mistakes.  Since the easier Sudokus can be completed in pen by any imbecile, you’ve obviously been trying to challenge yourself. 

So you love solving riddles, but you’re not exceptionally bright.  Watching “Sherlock” allows you to feel the rush of dopamine and serotonin when you’ve figured out something difficult, and you can experience that rush without being blessed with the perspicacity of the titular character.

The plain truth of the matter is that many of the crimes in the television series are easily solvable.  First-time watchers can often guess at least the culprit about halfway through the show, leaving them with a sense of superiority as the characters onscreen struggle to discover what the smug audience is screaming at them. 

•  Your fingers are thin, your hands are delicate, and your skin is pale.  Though you have a slim body, your muscle lacks any tone or definition.  Adding to all that your current slouching position, I’d guess you spend much of your day at the computer, often forgetting to eat for long periods of time.  While it is possible to use the computer frequently and have a social life – seeing as most jobs require computer use now – your pale skin and lack of tonality show you don’t get out much.  If you do socialize, it’s probably through forums or social media sites. 

Using the internet so frequently means you love to research.  Though your research probably consists of Marvel character backstories, “Game of Thrones” theories, and ways to make meals out of Ramen and Cheetos, you still consider yourself more intelligent than the average human due to all the reading you accomplish.  You also consider yourself socially inept – it’s hard to understand other humans if you rarely interact face-to-face.  Lastly, due to the instant-gratification of the internet, attention problems are becoming more prevalent in our society.  There’s little-to-no doubt that you suffer from self-diagnosed Attention Deficit Disorder.  

“Sherlock” is so addicting to you because Sherlock is the epitome of what you truly see yourself as: more intelligent than the average human, more of a social cockroach than butterfly, and easily bored with the world around you.  You feel an instant connection with a character who would probably detest you if you met in real life, seeing as he detests almost everybody.

Your baggy eyes tightened and your nostrils flared when I said that last bit – getting a bit defensive, are we?  And yet you remain silent.  While there are myriad ways you could insult me back, you have chosen not to.  This leads to our third deduction.

• You’ve remained silent throughout this interview, but your eyes have rolled several times and you’ve expelled air out your nose every time I insulted your meager intelligence.  There you go again.  I have no doubt that you are mocking my own intellect to yourself, but due to misguided politeness you have chosen to keep your mouth closed.

You have become so addicted to “Sherlock” because not only is he who you secretly see yourself as, but he commits the one act you would so dearly love to commit yourself – he is demeaning and rude with absolutely no filter.  Since you obviously see yourself as superior to most others around you, you no doubt question their intelligence with great frequency.  However, since a part of you still desires to be accepted in normal society, you refrain from insulting these acquaintances when they put their stupidity on display.  Watching “Sherlock” allows you to feel a certain catharsis in this respect.

• For the next deduction I’ll need your participation.  When I say the word “ship,” you . . . Right.  As I inferred.  No, don’t say anything, that self-conscious smile told me all I needed to know.  You know that “shipping” is a term used by fans to indicate which characters they’d love to see hook up on the show.  Or, in some cases, which characters’ hook-ups they create fan fiction about. 

You love that “Sherlock” caters so much to their fans.  With all the homosexual jokes about Sherlock and John, Sherlock’s “fan club” in season 3, and the fantasy kisses in season 3 (trying to be vague here to avoid spoilers), it’s obvious that they are aware of and answering the pleas of the fangirls.  And while you see through this ploy since you are oh-so-sharp, you love that they do it.  Why else would you be blushing right now?

• Which brings us to our final deduction.  Well, this one is more just common sense.  Regardless of your sexual orientation, you watch the show because Benedict Cumberbatch and Martin Freeman are just adorable.  And Rupert Graves (Lestrade) is so much hotter than he gets credit for.

You see?

Fine.  You’ve caught on to my act.  Whatever.  Yes, I too am Sherlocked.

Now go away.  I have internets to read.

Veggie Quiche with a Hashbrown Crust

I’ve considered going vegan a few times.  For one thing, it’s probably a lot cheaper.  I mean, a quality block of cheese is easily twenty dollars.  For another, a lot of animals ARE treated in cruel and unusual ways just to make it easier to collect their products in bulk.  And I know that you can get your protein from plant sources, I’m just not ready to make the jump yet.  I just barely got myself to like spinach, and lentils are still kinda yuck.  Maybe one day I’ll go full vegan, but not yet.

That being said, this recipe is about the furthest from vegan you can get – a hashbrown-crusted quiche.

I’ve only made this once, and next time I’m going to do a couple things differently (browning the hashbrowns first, cooking it a little longer), but overall I’m pretty pleased with how this turned out.  It’s got veggies, it’s got protein, it’s filling – pretty much everything you could ask for in a breakfast.  The only thing it isn’t is photogenic.  At least not for me.  Maybe you could use your fancier camera and your home studio with its flashy lighting and make it look better.

There aren’t really any tricky things to making this, so I don’t see much point in writing an involved post.  I mean, you know how to stir things, right?  And hopefully cut up veggies?  And brown some hash?  (haha…)

Instead, I’m going to share my [really-not-at-all] pro tip with you: always pre-cut your veggies.

I’ve started doing this and it makes cooking so much easier.  I’ll get home from the store, throw Stormageddon in his chair with some finger foods, and get chopping.  It’s a bit of up-front work, but it makes cooking so much easier because instead of “if I want to eat [that] I’ll have to chop [this] first so why don’t I just eat a bowl of cereal” you can say, “hey, I want [that].  I’ll just throw in these pre-cut veggies!”  Instant meal.  And you eat more veggies.  And for an added added bonus, the inside of your fridge will look like it belongs to an actual grown-up, which is very satisfying, if misleading.

Enough of this gay banter (imagine that said in a John Cleese voice).  Now it’s time for something (short pause) completely different.

The Larch.

Not really.  The Recipe.  Sorry, for some reason I’m really feeling the “Flying Circus” vibes today.

Veggie Quiche with Hashbrown Crust

Frozen hashbrowns Cooking oil Salt Pepper

Butter Flour Eggs Cream cheese Milk Sugar Baking Powder

Mushrooms Spinach Broccoli Green onion Yellow onion Bell pepper Cheddar cheese

Pre-heat the oven to 400° F

Line the bottom of a 13x9 pan with frozen hashbrowns

Add 2 Tb oil, salt and pepper to taste

Mix it all around – that’s what it’s all about

Throw your hashbrown mix into the pre-heated oven for about 15 minutes

               

While the ‘browns are cooking, mix 6 Tb butter with ½ C flour, then set aside

In another bowl, mix 6 eggs, 8 oz cream cheese, 1 C milk, 1 tsp salt, 1 tsp sugar, and 1 tsp baking powder

Add the flour mix to the egg mix and stir until, well, mixed…

Add your pre-cut veggies!  I used 1 C mushrooms, 1 C spinach, 1 C broccoli, 1/8 C green onion, ¼ C yellow onion, ½ C Bell Pepper (orange), and 1 C cheddar cheese (cubed).  Mix well.

When your hashbrowns are ready, pull them out of the oven and pour the egg mix on top.

Bake at 400° F for 50 minutes uncovered.  You’ll know it’s done if it feels kind of spongey when you slice through it.

Enjoy!

*If I did this again I would probably fry up the hashbrowns before throwing them in the 13x9; that way they’re nice and crunchy

Book Review for 'Feed' by Mira Grant

So I have this zombie…obsession?  Infatuation?  Extreme interest?  Whatever it is.  I have it.

The sciencey side of me is just so interested in what could make zombies actually work.  I mean, every zombie fan has probably heard about the fungal infection commonly seen in ants that (to use layman’s terms) infects their brains so they climb to the highest point possible and then explodes out of their bodies and spreads the spores to the wind.  And that’s real life!!!!

I just get so excited when I learn about new diseases (or new sides to old diseases) that could possibly make zombies.  It’s incredibly fascinating to me and I’m getting excited just typing about this.

ZOMBIES!!!!!!!!!

Okay.  I need to calm down.

Ooohhhhhhhmmmmmm.

I just finished this book.  Aaaaand…it’s awesome.  And zombies.  And politics.  And conspiracies.  And plot twists (but EXACTLY HOW I WOULD HAVE ENDED IT!!!).  Agh, calming down did not work.

So this book is called Feed, and it’s written by Mira Grant.  It’s the first book in a trilogy.  And tomorrow I am getting books two and three and then locking myself in my room and forcing The Man to take care of Stormageddon for the rest of the day because ermahgerd.

Bear in mind, I was not all this excited about the book for the first…250 pages.  I know, that’s a long time to keep reading a book that you’re not all that interested in, but I’d heard good things and I wanted to figure out why.  And it was worth it.  The last 320ish pages were awesome.

The story is narrated by a blogger.  Zombies have risen, blah-de-blah, the world is moving on with life while also dealing with the constant threat of the walking dead, and bloggers have become the most reliable news source.  So this blogger and her team (brother and friend) have been selected to follow a senator on his campaign trail to become the president of the United States.  Everything’s going great, the senator is an awesome guy, and then disaster hits after one of his rallies and lots of people “go grey” and lots of people die.  The team moves on with life, continues the trail, more disaster hits (this is where it starts to become interesting).  Then conspiracies are unveiled.  Then more disasters.  Then death and destruction and disaster and intrigue and ZOMBIES!!!!!!! 

Grant’s a pretty good writer.  She went out on shooting ranges, staged fight scenes, audited epidemiology courses, and more to write this book.  The brother/sister relationship is a little strange, but forgivable.  I mean, they’re each the only person the other has, so it’s kinda understandable why they’re so attached to each other.  I don’t know where I was going with that.

Anyway.  Grant writes convincing action scenes, almost Rowling-worthy emotional scenes (but not quite – this book didn’t make me cry), and it’s easy to get caught up in her writing (after all the character introductions and stuff are done).

If you like apocalyptic/political drama/zombie/question authority books, this is a good one.

I’m just hoping books two and three can jump right into the action since we’ll already know all the characters.

ZOMBIES!

Okay, I’m done.  I promise.

Stop Saying You Have "Straight Pride." Please.

I recognize that this is not a "What Was I Thinking Wednesday" post, but I had to get this off my chest.

I have friends on both sides of the gay marriage camp.  Some of them are super excited for this big step in human rights and some of them are convinced that it’s the gateway to pedophilic marriages.  I guess how I worded that statement kind of gives away how I feel, but not entirely.

In my post on homosexuality a while back I speculated as to why my religion is opposed to gay marriage.  The church released a statement soon after the Supreme Court ruling explaining the doctrine behind our stance.  This statement also indicated that our church’s stance has not and will not change – we do not support gay marriage.  I understand and agree with that stance.

So there’s that.

However, it’s one thing to not support an action, and it’s another to go out of your way to be hurtful and rude.  I have no problem with people saying “I support heterosexual marriage;” that’s fine.  It’s the “straight pride” movement I have issues with.

What does it even mean to have “straight pride?”  That you’re proud you’ve never considered suicide purely because of your biological impulses?  That you’re proud a large portion of the world doesn’t look at you and think, “oh, they’re just trying to get attention; they really could change if they wanted to.”  (Agh!  Punctuation dilemma!)

For the vast majority of gay individuals, “gay pride” does not mean “I’m different and I want you all to pay attention to me!”  It means, “I’ve struggled with feeling different, feeling guilty, feeling like I’ve sinned purely because of my thoughts, and now I’ve finally accepted that this is who I am and I’m still a good person.”

Gay individuals are not trying to ruin your life or your family, they are trying to find peace with themselves and find joy in their own lives.  Just like straight people.  Don’t mock them for recognizing who they are and being okay with it.  “Straight Pride” is just about as Christian as saying “I’m so proud I don’t have cerebral palsy!”  They’re born that way, they’re dealing with being “different,” and they don’t deserve that treatment.

So please, just stop it.

5 Kids’ Books You’ll Love Reading Over and Over…and Over

I really love reading.  When I had my son I was all excited to read my favorite books from growing up to him: The Little Prince, The BFG, A Series of Unfortunate Events, and so forth.  Sadly it soon became all too clear to me that babies have about a five second attention span and chapter books are out of the question – especially if their few pictures are totally black and white.

After many many unsuccessful attempts, I finally gave in and decided to start reading him the children’s books that I had inherited/been gifted.  This experience taught me that lots of children’s books are terrible.  I mean, they’re okay, I just hated reading them over and over and over again.  I seriously felt like Calvin’s dad and the dreaded Hamster Huey and the Big Kablooie.

Months later and with much searching and borrowing from the public library, I have started building a collection of books that are pretty fun – even the 50^th time around – and now I’m going to share my top 5 with you.

Fox in Socks/Oh Say Can You Say – Dr Suess

Look at that, I’ve already broken my own rules and listed an extra book.  I’m counting these two books as one because they’re pretty much the same.  You’ll get some great practice at enunciation and your kids will get some giggles from hearing your tongue stumble all over the place.  I don’t think these books ever get old because it’s like an ongoing competition with yourself, and once your kids are old enough to read they can join in!

                               

I Loathe You – David Slonim

This is a super cute book about a monster and its parent.  The monster parent loathes their little monster very much – “more than smelly feet and chicken pox.”  It goes into depth about the many horrible things the parent loathes, but none more so than it loathes its child.  It’s quite adorable.

Stephanie’s Ponytail – Robert Munsch

Stephanie is a spunky girl with her own sense of style who’s totally happy with who she is, no matter what people say.  Everyone at school copies her hairstyles (even the boys and the teachers), so she just keeps going weirder and weirder to see how far they’ll go.  The story is entertaining, the illustrations are great, and I love the message it sends of “just be you and don’t let others get you down.”

The Noisy Way to Bed – Ian Whybrow

I love reading this to my kid before bedtime.  It’s the story of a little boy who’s on his way to bed.  Along the way he has to walk through his family’s farm and the animals start tagging along.  The story has a nice calming rhythm and rhyme and is honestly perfect for right before bed.

Pajama Time – Sandra Boynton

If you have never heard any of Sandra Boynton’s music you probably won’t love this book as much as I love it.  See, this book has a song that goes with it, and it makes it five thousand times better.  My kid seriously squeals with excitement when we’re reading this book because I can’t help but sing the words and I get really into it.  If you’re going to get this book, learn the song first.  It’s wonderful.

                              

"Philadelphia Chickens" is the CD with 'Pajama Time' on it.  

If you love kids' songs, do yourself a favor and get this CD.

After writing this post I called up my mum for some more ideas and was given a list of about 700 books and authors, so I’m thinking I’m going to make this a recurring theme on Tuesdays for a while (e.g. “5 More Awesome Books to Read to Your Kids”). 

What are some books you enjoy reading over and over again to your kids?  I’d love some suggestions!

The Amazing Squooshi!

Stormageddon loves those squishy food packs.  If you’re a mother you probably know the things I’m talking about – they usually have applesauce, a fruit mix, a veggie mix, or some type of yogurt concoction inside.  I love them too: less mess, really easy to throw into the diaper bag, he can feed himself with it, win-win-win!  This post isn’t just for mothers though, because those squeezy things aren’t just for babies; I’ve totally seen adults chowing down on a squeezy applesauce pack.

So those squishy things.  Convenient, but quite expensive.  On a good day you’re paying about $1 for each container, which is pretty steep when you’re trying to save money.  I was thinking about it one day and I realized I could make the food pretty easily, and if I got something kinda like a frosting squeezer (wow, I have no idea what those are called) with a lid I’d be set!  And then I remembered that I wasn’t the only mother in the world and other penny-pinchers probably had the same idea so I wouldn’t have to resort to a frosting squeezer.

Enter The Squooshi.

Squooshis are exactly what I’ve been leading them up to be; they’re reusable squishy bags.  You twist on the cap, load up the bottom, seal the zip-lock, and you’re good to go!  I ended up ordering a set of 8 after reading all the reviews and checking out the competitors.  To make it even awesomer, they’re a small family company so if you buy their product you’re helping out some entrepreneurs!

What else makes them awesome, you ask?  Well.  They’re dishwasher safe.  They’re BPA free.  They’re easy to pour into (you just set it cap-down on the counter and pour).  They hold around 4 ounces, which is more than most of the one-use packs I’ve bought.  They freeze well.  And they come in awesome colors and patterns!

Six pack with a lion or a bluebird, or eight pack without?
Decisions are hard.

So for today’s Meatless Monday, I made some green smoothies for Stormageddon and threw them in the Squooshis.

I don’t really like green smoothies all that much, but I’m a better mother than I am an example and I like to make sure ‘Geddon’s getting the nutrients he needs.  Plus he’s too young to know that they’re gross.

For the veggie smoothie I blended 2 bananas (mine were frozen because I was out of fresh), 1 diced  zuchinni (or Italian Squash, as Sprouts pompously calls it), a handful of spinach, some water, and a splash of lemon juice (because the squeeze pack that I stole the ingredients from had it).

My fruit smoothie was even simpler: about 2 cups of frozen berry mix, a handful of spinach, and some water. 

And now I’ve got lots of veggie and fruit puree for the days when my little teether just doesn’t want to eat solid foods!  Thanks, Squooshi.  You’re awesome.

And no, I have no shame for blantantly advertising The Squooshi.  I think it’s an awesome product.  You should buy it.