Ugly Babies and Heartless Robots

You know what's a scary thought?  Having an ugly child.  I mean, sure, they'll have to grow a better personality because of it and looks aren't SUPPOSED to matter, but let's be honest: looks matter.  And, since I am well-versed in Genetics, I decided to find out if The Man and I would have an ugly baby in the most scientific way possible: one of those face-morph websites.  Stormageddon will 100% without a doubt look like this:

Sadly, those beautiful lips come from his dad, not me.

So that's not too bad.  Our child will at least have a more symmetrical face than his mother (thanks, Hubby!).  I'm going to stick with this website's interpretation of our children instead of the interpretation I made with paint a couple years back:

So scarring...

I really shouldn't care so much about how Stormageddon is going to look though.  Right now I guess I'm just trying to find ways to get myself excited about having a baby.

Weird, right?  I mean, I try to get pregnant for a year, I purposefully take myself off birth control, and then once I get what I wanted I'm just...meh.  This article actually explains how I'm feeling pretty well: http://pregnantfeminist.wordpress.com/2012/02/16/thirteen-weeks-on-being-a-heartless-robot/

I'm so grateful that I was able to get pregnant.  I am relieved beyond belief that I've made it this far without a miscarriage.  I REALLY want to have a child with The Man, but that's the thing: I want a child, not a baby.

I've never really been that into human babies.  Growing up I was more excited about getting stuffed animals and taking care of them than I was about baby dolls.  And it wasn't due to lack of exposure; remember, I come from a family of nine kids.  There was always a baby in the house.  I've changed diapers, helped with bathtime, dressed babies in their annoying onesies, watched them learn to walk and crawl...I just wasn't all that impressed.  

I mean, for the first couple months they can't really interact with you besides crying when they need something.  After that they start to get squirmy, but once you put them down they start crying.  After that comes teething.  After that comes throwing and hitting.  Plus most babies take about 6 months before they even start looking cute.

Baby brother at 4 months (left), and holding his nephew earlier this year (right).
Took him a bit, but he got cute.

There have been a few moments that I've gotten excited about having an infant.  One was when I remembered what it was like cuddling with my youngest brother (seen above).  I used to come home from school and Mum would hand him off and I'd go sit on the couch with him.  He always fell right asleep (thanks, boobs!).  So snuggling is a good thing to dwell on.  The other moment came VERY briefly when my coworkers gave me a present: some baby pajamas and a pack of newborn diapers.  For a moment I imagined a tiny little baby in a tiny little diaper and the mothering instinct way down deep inside of me gave a little squee...then it was gone.  And...that's about it.  I'm not one to get overly excited about tiny baby clothes or diaper bags or strollers (those rocking chairs though?  Heck yeah!), so I haven't really had those moments shopping where I just swell in excitement.

I don't feel as bad about it because I've brought it up when talking to The Man, and he's been feeling the same way.  He's excited to have a child as well, but right now the whole thing is just surreal.  I just feel bad though, because when people find out I'm pregnant one of their first questions is always, "are you SO excited?"  And I usually give a half-hearted, "yeah, I guess."  Can I blame my apathy on pregnancy hormones?  Let's blame it on that.