There’s a phrase I think we should all agree to stop
using. That phrase is “wait until you’re
[insert a one-up here].”
Maybe it’s just my stage in life, with all my friends having
babies and people expecting me to do the same, but the one I get is “wait until
you’re a mother” or “wait until you’re a parent.” I didn’t realize how much it bugged me until
recently.
See, I believe that my feelings are valid. Sure, maybe I’m not as tired as you or as
stressed as you, but I am still PLENTY tired.
I am still PLENTY worn out from teaching all day. Allow me to decide for myself whether my
feelings are real or not.
If a child stubbed its toe and started crying about how much
it hurt, you wouldn’t snicker and say, “oh, just wait until you break a bone”
(unless you’re a terrible human being).
You would say something along the lines of, “oh, that looks
painful. How can I help you?”
Why can’t we do the same with adults? Sure, the unemployed college student may be
complaining about their workload and that may seem like a very petty thing if
you work three jobs or have seventeen children or who-knows-what, but think
about when you were in a similar situation.
Think about how stressful life seemed at the time. Did you want to be told something akin to, “well
you need to quit whining because you ain’t seen nothin’ yet and you’re not
really in pain, you just think you are because you haven’t experienced life enough?” (Oh, how it pained me to put that
question mark there…but I couldn’t leave that beginning question hanging.)
Maybe people say things like that because the person being
addressed never really calls you out on belittling them. I sure don’t.
When people use the “wait until you’re a mother” line on me I’ll just smile
pitifully and agree that, yeah, they’re probably right. I will be more tired when I’m a mother. Inside I get upset, but I’m so
non-confrontational that I just push that feeling down until it comes bursting
out in diary entries or nightly conversations with The Man or a blog post.
So here’s my burst: Stop telling me that my feelings are not
real. Stop telling ANYONE that their
feelings are not real. If they say they’re
stressed, take their word for it. If you
can’t comfort them yourself, throw chocolate or video games or spa coupons or
paintball gear at them. For the love of
huckleberry ice cream though, do NOT tell them to nut up or shut up. It makes us feel like worthless stupid
whiners. We’re
stressed/tired/heartbroken/depressed/worried enough as it is.
“Mourn with those that mourn; yea, and comfort those that
stand in need of comfort” –Mosiah 8:19.
If someone’s having a hard time, let’s agree as a species to sympathize
with them instead of telling them to grow up.
Let’s get back to that human decency thing I’ve heard so much
about. Agreed?
Agreed.
ReplyDelete