So everyone's all upset over Amy Glass's recent article.
I have friends violently for it and friends violently against it; I'd like to be the person in the middle.
Yup, she hated on mommy bloggers and people that get married young. Yup, she said some hurtful things. And...dare I say it...She made some valid points.
We definitely do have a bias when it comes to congratulations and celebrations. When someone gets married we jump up and down in joy with them, we go to their bridal shower, bachelorette party, wedding, and reception, and we throw gifts their way almost every time. When someone gets a new job they're really excited about or a promotion that they've been waiting on for years we smile at them, maybe go out for a celebratory dinner, and then forget about it.
I realize that comparing marriage to a job promotion may seem like comparing sprouts to actual food, but here's the plain truth:
Not every woman WANTS to be a mother. Not every woman WANTS to get married. Some women truly, honestly, cross-their-hearts-and-hope-to-die LOVE their careers and feel very fulfilled with their choices in life. And why shouldn't they? We are individuals. We are unique. We have different desires and life goals. And sometimes we're stupid and we look down on other people for not having the same life goals. Amy did it to mommies and mommies did it to Amy. Not cool on either front, but there you have it.
Maybe we should take a different approach. Maybe instead of hating Ms. Glass for being a career-driven woman, we could put ourselves in her shoes. How many of you congratulate your female friends with successful jobs? How many of you tell single women things like, "oh, I can't wait until you have a boyfriend so we can double-date!" Can you imagine how much that sucks? I know for a fact that I'm guilty of being a biased congratulator (not a real word, but roll with it). I'll briefly congratulate friends on promotions or new jobs, but for someone whose big life goal is to be a successful businesswoman to be constantly ignored in favor of puking babies and sickly-sweet engagement photos...It must be terrible. I totally understand why she would lash out like that.
We need to recognize that it's okay for people to have different goals, and we need to be excited for what they achieve instead of what we think they should be achieving. I have some amazing friends who are stellar at academia and in the workforce, and I never tell them how impressive they are to me. I'm kind of grateful to Ms. Glass for reminding me to do so.
If women can do anything, why are we still content with applauding them for doing nothing?
ReplyDeleteI've avoided reading her article, just because I thought it would be ridiculous. And it was. I'm sorry. These are the statements that bothered me the most:
"You will never have the time, energy, freedom or mobility to be exceptional if you have a husband and kids."
I'm sorry, but I think I'm pretty exceptional, and I'm not afraid to say it. I have been able to accomplish a lot, while being a stay-at-home mom. I support our family right, but I am there with Jack, almost every minute of every day, and if I can raise him to be a half way decent person, I think that's pretty exceptional. I think it's what you make of it. Sure, some stay-at-home moms might just sit there and do nothing all day long, but it doesn't have to be that way. You can be exceptional as a mother, you can be exceptional as an employee. People just need to get over themselves and accept that there are different definitions of "exceptional"
"They are not equal. Doing laundry will never be as important as being a doctor or an engineer or building a business."
For one, laundry is not all that stay-at-home moms do. And who do you think raised the doctors and engineers or business owners -- mothers. Sure, there are definitely exceptions to the rules, but I think the work of a mother is incredibly important. It is to me at least. I wouldn't be half the person I am (not saying I'm the most amazing person ever) without the mother who raised me, and I know Forrest feels the same way.
So yes, maybe we should have a big celebration for a woman who gets a new job. But I think people should stop trying to talk about what a person chooses to do with their life and act like it's a stupid or bad decision. I will never once regret being a mom, or a wife, and to me, it's the most important thing I can do. And I'll say it, I feel bad for people who don't get to experience that. So kill me.